Had to get over out of the house fast. The dog wanted to go with me. She always does. There was a cup of coffee in my hand and it was in a nice cup. I guess you could call it my favourite mug. It was leave of be late so I took it with me and started walking. I finished the coffee somewhere above the highway on the pedestrian overpass. The dog was ahead of me and I watched her wagging tail disappear down the shortcut that all dogs know on the other side. No people can get through it but dogs can cut the corner and meet you on the other side of the hedge. I couldn’t be carrying a coffee mug to where I was going and I was almost there. I don’t know why but I just put it down on the railing of the walkway and left it there. It would be there when I got back. Beautiful mug. Still steam emanating from its lip as I glanced back. Someone else might want it. They should have it and enjoy it. A kid might smash it on the road for fun. They should live that out don’t you think? They lie in bed under an airplane print duvet and think, “should I have smashed that?”. Maybe they just kive in the moment and think, “smashing is fun and I feel no guilt...if somebody wanted this mug then they wouldn’t have left it” or “I am only six years old and I peed in the mug and threw it in the bushes”.
The mug has its own power. It will be there when I come back. If I chose a mug I didn’t care about it would probably be gone but there was a beauty to leaving this one there for awhile. I return from my journey and pick up the mug.
The next day I leave my bike unlocked when I go into the store. I am always prepared to lose what I risk but inside I know whether I will lose it or not. I can only explain it as a sense of knowing. I return to the bike and feel better about the world. Every leap of faith makes me feel better. I don’t lock the car and I leave things inside it. I live in the smash and grab capital of North America. Sometimes things are gone when I come back but most of the time they are not. For a long time I was on lock down. It was one more thing to occupy my thuoghts. It was one more good adult habit to have internalized. It was one more manifestation of fear. One more insurance policy between me and what was really going on. Now I am at risk to experience the pointless, sad and desparate. If you play the percentages you are more likely to experience the opposite. “Did you drop this twenty dollar bill sir?”.