Craig Northey: Journal

Who Does Anybody Think They Are?

Who does anybody think they are? This is more of a diary entry than anything else. The “first person” is not my thing. Three weeks ago I was in Toronto to shoot a TV show with Colin James. I flew in late and was starving so Colin and I met up and walked across King Street to the Kit Kat for a bite. Great food. Jason McCoy (Canadian country music guitar slinger) and his fiddle player Shane joined us and we set up on the rainy patio. The place was packed and that was our only option. Something happened that would be the one thing you might remember in a situation like that. At one point in our meal a “rock posse” showed up and tried to get a table in the back. They were wearing their tour laminates which, in our little world, is the tackiest of rock crimes.
Sidebar: The ultimate rock crime, punishable by a round of drinks, is to be caught in a hotel lobby wearing sunglasses and sporting your laminate. It is called “Halening” (a verb). It is dubbed “Halening” because it is the practice of imitating a classic Van Halen photo shoot. All VH photo shoots involve sunglasses. The best ones include sunglasses and tour laminates. Indoor sunglass use crimes are doubled if it is dark out. You have then been caught “Halening” with an additional “Corey Hart” penalty. Indoor sunglass use is allowed if you are sleeping off a hangover while on a plane. That is a mulligan. Nobody needs to see your pathetic old eyes at that point.
On closer inspection this rock posse was a children’s TV show of rock clichés. One man carried a DV camera. None of their laminates matched. Some said, “press”. Some said “VIP”. Some were from last year. They all had one thing in common – they were all associated with U2. Each person looked like, “made for cable TV” actors in a dramatic reenactment of a U2 restaurant visit. It was then I spotted the longshoreman’s Bono. Not quite Bono but a weird stocky facsimile. The similarity peaked at his use of a crushed brim cowboy hat and wraparound shades. The rest of him looked like a Bono who pumped a few weights, when he wasn’t guzzling Labatt 50, and perhaps performed in some Internet porn passion plays on the side. I think Bono dumped the hat and glasses thing about 5 years ago. This hat was a $10 straw job and the glasses were basic airport issue. I can guarantee you that despite Bono’s Herculean humanitarian efforts on behalf of the impoverished his personal economy allows for only VERY expensive clothing and accessories. Was this a science experiment? Was this an exposé bringing to light how the rich and famous were able to get tables at restaurants that were full? Was it an exercise in being conspicuous? Bono would not have been safe sharing the patio overflow with us. He would be mobbed. He must have the back room. The posse was escorted to the back by the one posing as the burly road manager only to return to the street within a minute or two. No go. Bono did his best “looking around without making eye contact” version of rock star kinesiology. The four of us did our best analysis of what was going on and came up with no definitive conclusions. None of us had the energy to go ask any of the rock posse what was going down.
Over the last few weeks I have been experimenting with this myspace site. There are plenty of people on there snooping around, sampling music and imaging themselves to the world. It’s really interesting. I often scan around for people and just click on them to see what they’re about. On one friend’s “friend’s list” something caught my eye. The lighting was familiar. The tiny shapes played with a familiar gestalt. I clicked and zoomed. It was the woman hosting the site on a nighttime Toronto street with the longshoreman’s Bono. On closer inspection I believe this pure and genuine person was hoodwinked by the bogus Bono. I thought it best not to bust in and tell her that this was not the real deal. If she got something positive out of it then why subtract the good that was done. Hopefully this guy said the right things. Hopefully I won’t blow it with this missive but I couldn’t resist shedding light on such a spectacularly unlikely “small world” experience.
I liken it to the department store Santa. They can do a lot of good but they’re not the real Santa. Maybe we need more positive imposters. Identity theft is going to be stopped about as easily as the proliferation of “illegal” mp3s. Shall we embrace it too? It may break down the star system as hundreds of Paris Hiltons walk the streets and people just start to ignore the real Paris Hilton when she whines about room service. Wait ‘til the bellman tells her to respectfully shut the hell up. Does she think he is actually Paris Hilton? Who does anybody think they are?

rare CN audio at myspace

I've been trying to figure out this myspace thing and I've got a site up there for Strippers Union and one for myself. What I thought I'd do at my myspace site was use it as a place to put up audio pieces that people have asked for but that probably would never see the light of day any other way. You can start collecting them or listening to them and throwing them out. It's my way of cleaning out the twist ties from the knife drawer. Right now the site is having difficulty putting up all four audio snippets. You cab download two right now.

go here

If you haven't joined myspace its a pretty interesting thing. There are tons of indie bands on it and you can use it like a listening post at a CD store. If you are lonely you can use it to meet people...but we all know what the internet is like by now don't we?

myspace

We are so friendly. Here is a link to our "myspace":

Check me out!

Jesse V is also on there and so are a lot of people. Sign up to be our friend and we can trade Valentines in a few months. If you haven't bought the CD yet then you can download the single and listen to three more.

Gassing, Stripping & CMT

Sorry there was no heads up on Doug Elliott & I hosting a segment of CTV's "E-Talk Daily" the other day. I have received enough politely irate e-mails thank you. We were harrassing people on Parliament Hill wearing green "Corner Gas" trucker hats. Dream gig I know. I'll try to post some pictures in the next few days.

Thanks to all of you who attended a Corner Gas live show, a Strippers Union show or a CJBand show in the last few weeks. Its been a lot of early morning airplanes and compensatory ales for me. Here's a great photoLaurel Whyte took at the Victoria Strippers Union show. I think it captures some of the vibe.

I hear a fresh-faced second coming of Lester Bangs at the Queen's Journal took a nice "do you wear black?" poop on our show in Kingston. That's always good for a laugh. Just wait til his mom says she likes the new "the Bravery" record too. What will he do when he finds out "Black Rebel Motorcycle Club" like to listen to Led Zeppelin? What will he do when he finds out nobody is inventing the wheel?

It seems that whole evening ended in a riot up on Aberdeen street. I watched the house parties grow and felt scared for the girls who would drink their way into situations that might resemble the darkest reaches of the internet. The whole college party scene has taken on a pretty sick tone and I am upset when it gets to the part where paramedics and police are pelted with bottles and rocks as they come to save someone's life. It takes a bit of the fun out of "celebrating". Why are there no fistfights and riots at Burning Man? Isn't it a place of altered states, jovial anarchy and lusty celebration? Take a page from that book oh frat monsters. Would that be too art school?

Between the Strippers dates and Corner Gas tour I played on a CMT special with Colin that will air this Friday the 7th for an hour. Check local listings.

You can spot my own daughter on Fox's "Killer Instinct" this Friday at 9pm. Not that I'm proud.