Girl in the dark with a Yellow Rose
April 25, 2004
Oriental features, holding a single yellow rose and walking far enough into the street and smiling so much to herself that you know she’s just fallen in love. She steps with some new confidence wearing heals higher than her usual day wear and a black skirt that says, “I’m going out”. It’s 1:40 am.
Maybe a block behind her and walking the other direction . . . he must be wearing the same smile. His hands are probably tucked into his pockets. There is such anticipation of the near future . . . underscored by his low grade boner. The temperature perfectly matches the degree of moonlight. Its a cool blue and one measure above just T-shirt weather. It is the perfect evening cool to bring down skin temperature, like the slow sepia afterglow of an acid trip, and land it at normal.
My headlights framed her for maybe four seconds and I’ve been piecing together her back story as I follow those headlights until they reach busier streets where headlights don’t matter as much. Its a dodgey yet colourful neighbourood so when you’re in the darkest reaches and you see a smiling young woman with a flower, alone, walking and happy, you think about why she is there. You think about why she doesn’t have that logical fear of her surroundings that makes her appear smaller. Wariness provides a hint of camouflage. Before the spiny puffer fish expands it is in a form that already says, “I’m not asking you to approach me”. She, however, is in a protective bubble of bliss. People who have this temporary power do not know they have it.
One must be unaware to use this “get of jail free card”. For what it is worth it is enlightenment.
Enlightenment is temporary. In the half sleep before rapid eye movement you discover the cure for cancer and do not have the wherewithal to wake yourself up and write it down. You write the most beautiful music ever written but cannot wake up to sing it into a tape recorder. You are protected in those moments. That is your pay back for not being able to use this enlightenment for anything else. You can’t use it for accumulating wealth or upping your social status. You can’t save lives with it. You can only save your own life with it. In these moments the world makes a promise to get you through the night alive. You are asleep and can be attacked by anything from any angle. While the promise is made you are safe. After that . . .well . . .you believe the promise in order to allow yourself to sleep. You need that promise but it is erased by your deep sleep and then your day plays against it until you lie down and wait for it again. Here comes the half sleep. When you realize it is happening it is over. The instant flash of falling in love passes before you know what it is. Being in love is different. That’s another feeling. That can last a lifetime or come in waves. When you fall in love you are protected. When you ARE in love you are vulnerable. I hope she gets home safely before she figures out what just happened.