the Pregnant Pause

April 13, 2004

The Swan. last night I caught 5 minutes of a game/reality show called “the Swan”. Contestants win the chance to have their body carved up by the most popular plastic surgeons available in the back pages of the LA Weekly. Most claim to be looking for the real “inner” them. They are not allowed to look in the mirror during the months of their transformation. They stand before a mirror hidden behind a large velvet curtain. I think they are in a recreation of the ballroom used in the animated version of “Beauty & the Beast”. The host asks them if they would like to see themselves for the first time in three months -- with a new face, body, $500 haircut and rented formal wear. At this point they tremble and say, “yes”. They really have no choice because they have been led down the cattle corridor to this very moment. They stand in front of the velvet curtain and the host repeats all the data regarding their transformation and asks again if they want to see themselves. The pitiful waifs say “yes” again. The therapists, supportive friends, designers, stylists and surgeons flank them in a V shaped gauntlet leading to the giant cloaked mirror. The floor director holds the opening of the curtain for another twenty seconds. Has the curtain failed in its proper operation? It begins to open and then hiccups and pauses one more time. The curtain finally draws back. The contestant’s reaction is typical. They cry, shake, scream and yell a lot about how beautiful they are. Last night’s lady claimed that she had, “ come to America, like so many Latinos, for the American Dream and now she HAD IT”. That is a juicy one that I will not touch in a big way other than to say congratulations to all the well dressed rich white people who transformed her and thus upheld the values of imperial England, the Dutch slave traders and Dr. Joseph Mengele. They sent their ancient and horrible message back out to a new generation of preteens in such a subtle and effective way.

There are many things to rant about here. I can ride any logical tributary down into the sea of shit from which all these shows are fished like so many bottom feeding sturgeons. Let’s pick one small and seemingly inconsequential point. The lynchpin.

The pause before the curtain opens. This is a device that has been used to absurd degrees. The pause is sickeningly long and is beyond drama and tension and into just plain wasting of time. Regis Philbin used it to nauseating lengths on that zillion dollar question show. He’d ask over and over if it was the person’s final answer. He would repeat what was at stake (that is an important one) a couple of times. “Survivor” is about the worst. The whole “voting off the island segment” could be cut into about one 30th of its final length. Would it not be more dramatic to just let the fireworks go? What is it that the producer’s see in the pause that they feel will prop up their vacuous and crappy show? The final results in the contest should contain the payoff to the “real life” drama. The answers. The proof. The score in the game. The withholding of the results is an obvious manipulation that reveals the greed of the production overlords. It reveals the game. The longer the pause the slimier the show’s creators must be. In this pause the show’s creators are making their most obvious move to control me. If I wanted to be controlled I wouldn’t have become a musician. I am the wrong person to try this one on.
Here is where they play on all our wants and fears. This is one of the many oil slicks that float on top of these “reality” shows. “Survivor” or “the Swan” or even “Cops” are no more reality shows than “the Wizard of Oz”. They all have a man behind the curtain. They all have an agenda. “Survivor” teaches us that life is a game and that honesty is optional in pursuit of the win. Each person along the way is a stepping stone to your next situation. It all harkens back to that 80’s philosophy that if you admit you are an asshole it is OK to continue being an asshole. “Cops” is us placing ourselves above those less fortunate through the use of some spectacular editing and the human tendency to play to a camera. Need I explain “the Swan”? Its not so much the preying on low self esteem that I take issue with. When we are discussing the manipulative pause another more vile agenda being played out.
Having lately spent a lot of time reading works on palliative care I have determined that we all die. Duh. What happens after that is up for grabs. Dying is a process and needs to be understood and embraced more than curative medicine. We have come to believe pills and surgery will save us from death. The appearance of youth and beauty is not really youth and beauty. Children hold out the hope that something will be invented in their lifetime that will fend it off entirely. I know I did.
The pause before the curtain opens is a suspension of the inevitable. We are all trying to suspend the inevitable. The longer I try to hang onto the idea that I can climb over to the other side the more terrifying the fall from the mountain of inevitability. I want to delay the inevitable forever. I have not come to terms with the fact that all this will end BUT I have heard the answer to the big question thousands of times. I have seen the results confirmed daily. I don’t need to wait until after the commercial to find out what I already know. I don’t need to be pitched the product of "suspension of belief" in the Bermuda Triangle moment before my landing on a familiar airstrip. I have, at least, worked out enough aspects of the equation that I am not vulnerable in this moment. I won’t allow some Hollywood asshole to take that moment to poke his finger in the soft spot on my baby’s head. I know the weakness. I live the weakness. I forgive the weakness. Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.