Quarantine. I'm in quarantine out
February 14, 2002
Quarantine. I'm in quarantine out at my parents. We've been passing this bug around the house for long enough so I've been banished to the woods until my contagious period has ended. I'm just like the astronauts after they come home. How would that make you feel? Nice going boys, risking your lives, growing beards, peeing into a tube and eating from a bag. We're going to show our appreciation by making you live in a trailer together for another week with your families just inches away. Doctors will probe you and will give you a nice skin peel before you go.
I knew they didn't have any space diseases. If the astronauts were smiling and waving it was pretty clear to me that the space diseases were not present. As a child you know that space diseases are much more deadly than that. If the astronauts returned with green skin, 5 extra arms, and puss pockets on their scalps the quarantine would make more sense. I, however, go away into the world -- hunting, gathering, exploring -- and bring real disease back to my people. Sometimes I bring money and funny stories that make up for the plagues. This is my very first quarantine and I'm feeling that the money and funny story aspect must be fading in its importance. I'm going to have to cook the books and fabricate some better stories.
I watched a lot of TV today. Olympics again. I think if they put deadly poison on those poles that make up the gates in slalom skiing then it would be a lot more interesting. They just whack those things down with their arms. I think deadly space poison would make it a more interesting race. It could combine elements of "Survivor" with a fast sport. The biathalon would be a lot more interesting right away if you took the restrictions off their use of the rifles. Its already a strange frontier style event. You definitely would want to be bringing up the rear on your skis in that one if they loosened up the gun control. Commentator#1: "Yes! Gern Sviddlin of Switzerland has taken down the field once again with his patented strategy of coming out of the gate last and using those quick hands to bring down the other skiiers." Commentator #2: "Oh you're so right Bob and its so like the Swiss to be good about it and only shoot for the legs." Commentator #1: "Yes Earl it will be a nice time in quarantine for Gern as he waits two more weeks in isolation for his medal. New Olympic rules require appropriate punishment before victory."