Oops I missed a day.

February 28, 2002

Oops I missed a day. I'll apologise to myself for letting me down. I only hurt myself when I don't find time to do whatever this is that I'm doing. I'm sure of it. I'm pretty sure I'll one day hurt someone else by doing this. That's just the way it works. If you write or talk long enough you'll surely hurt someone with your words. I'm waiting for the first incident. I guess I've primed the engines by hurting myself first (by not writing in the journal yesterday). Don't you feel bad for letting me get hurt first?
Excuses: My ghostwriter was off on a field trip to Hunter S. Thompson's shooting range. My dog ate the computer. There was a terrible accident on the highway and I was unable to drive my scooter through the creamed corn. I was busted in a pyramid scheme involving real pyramids. I was so excited about the Grammy awards that my dink exploded.
Today someone told me about the gift pack that Grammy nominees get when they check into their (all expenses paid) nice hotel. One of the items in the goody bag was an "ipod". Bastards! I want one of those. If I had known I'd get a free "ipod" I would have had myself nominated. What was I thinking? I've been waiting all this time for something good to show up in the corporate swag basket and I blew it by not cashing in this year. When the Olsen twins called me about whether I wanted to be selected I just said no because I knew I would be helping clean the rubbery stuff out of my friend's little dog Gurf's eye on that very night. Gurf has a problem with eye stuff. Apparently it's common with the breed. When I told people that I'd turned them down...again...they were really surprised. First they were surprised that the Olsen twins (Mary-Kate and Ashley) actually picked the Grammies and secondly they were surprised that I turned down the "ipod". I said, "just watch the show and you'll see its pretty obvious that Mary-Kate & Ashley control the whole thing and how the hell was I to predict they were Mac people. I assumed the girls were into giant, cheap PC's with lots of games and the ability to bootleg first-run movies over the net while still hooked up to a chat room." Apparently they swung a Grammy deal with U2 in exchange for the band teaching them how to act serious. Alicia Keys bartered by trying to teach them what a soul was but it just made the girls hungry for fish and they bolted for the nearest French restaurant. Just the sound of the the word soul was enough. Who needs more than that. Well...I better go and think of what I might write in the journal before I write what I just wrote.