Too much on my mind.
March 03, 2002
Too much on my mind. Seven things to do at all times. No time to do anything extra and here I am on this journal. Maybe I like saying I'm busy? I wonder if I wear "being busy" as some sort of badge of honour. I think I hate it when I'm not "nose to the grindstone". A family holiday is glorious for the first week and then I start to itch on the inside. Something must be done about this. I've integrated fun into my work by doing what I like to do and maybe this compounds the problem. Its a big problem for those around me. This I can confirm. My parents had this disease but I hope I can break the chain with my kids. Maybe they can be perfectly content to veg out at the drop of a hat. If this generation is a reaction to the last they could become very relaxed and seemingly unmotivated lawyers prying themselves away from the TV just long enough to say, "Sorry about the guilty conviction Mrs. Johnston. I sort of ran out of steam at the end there. I'll call you in a year about the good behaviour thingy...oh and thanks for that fat cheque".
If they end up loving what they are doing then it all changes. I think that is the big problem in family life. Its set up so that if you hate or tolerate your work, and accept that fact, you centre all your positive energy and efforts around your home and family. If you love your work you end up being torn to shreds. You want that ability to focus but you can't have it. You try desperately to divide your brain into neat compartments but your brain lets you down. You have to finish that idea thats in your head or die trying. I blame my parents for teaching me that creativity and passion come first. They tried to teach me that responsibility and pragmatism come first but they accidently taught me otherwise. I saw them have the same problems and still love me way too much so I assumed it would be OK for me. The responsibilty and pragmatism part was so obviously impossible. Geez...what am I doing here? I have to get back to that popsicle stick sculpture of Steve Yzerman.