Preying on the desperate. Hotels

March 26, 2002

Preying on the desperate. Hotels are the worst for this. They know the kind of life you’re leading if it means you actually have to stay in a hotel. Unless you’re a veteran you get stung. You know what I mean...yes...the minibar...the snack basket...the telephone. In my hotel a miniature bottle of cognac is $9.25. A chocolate bar is $2.35. Jelly beans are $6.20. Just double the prices on what this stuff costs around the corner at the store. Why? Because you’re going to roll in late. You’ll be tired, hungry and maybe tipsy. Nothing will be open at that late hour. You will lose your battle with common sense because of these factors and you will tuck in. The next evening you will return to find all the items have been magically put back by elves and it will seem like you got away with something. When you check out you will discover that you were being watched the whole time and you must now be humiliated. Sure the newspaper and the microwave popcorn were free. What does microwave popcorn do? YES...run for the key to the mini bar. A comrade of mine used to call them on this evil. He would call down to the front desk as soon as we got in the room and have someone come up to get the snack basket and take it away. The befuddled porter would leave still not truly understanding the lecture he was given on why he should stop preying on the weaknesses of the paying guests. It was never the porter’s fault but I can see the intention.
Off to rehearsal. Got through it all yesterday and its really shaping up. The films are really good this time and they’re well integrated into the live action. I have so many transmitters and receivers on me I’m starting to worry about either developing tumors or looking like Peter Gabriel in 1987. Its OK...they will be well hidden by my prosthetic fat suit and pantomime horse costume.