How much does anybody really
April 25, 2002
How much does anybody really want to know about me? All lives are ordinary on some level. I can look at mine in ways that turn it instantly pathetic or I can choose to drink from the “half full” glass. I can run a line down the middle of the page for the pros & cons and come up with different results. A daisy with an endless number of petals. She loves me she loves me not. Perhaps I should just drop the flower and say “who knows what she’s thinking”. At this juncture I choose to define my life. Everyday I should make that decision. Nobody else should be allowed. In all other parameters I have no control. I can say something that is intended to have a certain effect and is taken in a completely different manner than I expect. I don’t choose what I communicate...the listener does. I’ve been “told” what my songs mean by lots of people. This is fascinating because it is the truth. I was mistaken to think that their meaning had anything to do with my intentions. They have no meaning until someone hears them and then they become part of lives that people are defining for themselves. If I am trying to define my own life then I should accept the fact that the things that I do can be bent and folded to fit into another person’s definition of themselves. For the right person all my songs are about oral sex. For another they are about the writer’s struggles to find happiness while living with the knowledge that he is only 4 feet tall. If this works to make the listener feel right then I have succeeded. If I made somebody light my CD on fire out of a distinct loathing then I have helped define them. I have contributed to their own sense of identity. The year-end “most hated” list they submit to the school newspaper becomes part of their own image making operation. I guess in this way I can define myself both as subversive and philanthropist. Sounds romantic. Truly my realm of influence is quite limited. Creed, however, will unintentionally help millions of people who are trying to be cool.
Here is a great example of my life and its connections having unintended effects on the lives of others. In this case I was in the middle of natural phenomena that will be misinterpreted. I looked down on Kanas City at night as we entered the circuit to land. The air was perfectly clear. My eye caught an eerie light traveling along the ground in what looked like the 40 foot diameter of a police helicopter beam. It was intermittent as it raked across trees, parking lots, homes & storefronts. I’d never seen anything with this type of blue white glow and it seemed to be following the exact same path as our plane only slightly behind and off to the side. It couldn’t be a police chopper light. I then caught the moon in my peripheral vision way up above the plane and did the math. The moon was reflecting off the shiny aluminum airliner and the angle happened to line up and send the beam straight down. At one point the reflection hit the pond of a golf course and I could see the craters and patterns of the moon for certain. I think there will be a few confirmed UFO sightings in Kansas City tonight. “Honestly ma’am...I was bathed in an intense blue light all around me in a perfect circle...I was blinded and then as quick as it was there...it was gone”. Unless I find these neighbourhoods tomorrow and distribute a leaflet explaining this phenomenon I am sure someone’s future will be influenced. Our nights are not ordinary. At this juncture I choose to define my life because that is the only option.