Monogamy. Either an eastern art

April 29, 2002

Monogamy. Either an eastern art of paper folding or some other kind of art. This is an art in which I feel I have some expertise. The subject has come up many times after lengthy bouts of road work so I feel I should speak in a public forum. The question is always posed to me because I have been with the same person for a greater length of time than most in the “entertainment industry” and certainly longer than most people my age. Is it “natural” for men to be monogamous? Firstly this might be a backhanded compliment. The sting of the backhand comes if it is implied that I am somehow forcing myself to do something unnatural. The compliment comes from that fact that I have the moral fiber to be successful in this arena. Gay friends say that men might not be able to sustain an exclusive relationship. Do successfully monogamous straight couples achieve this state purely through the secret powers of the woman?
Do men live in some sort of physical and emotional denial in order to make this work? Of course they do...but it shouldn’t be looked at as unhealthy denial. The men who say they “don’t even notice other women” are lying. Nobody from either sex can turn off that motor completely. When blinded by the first waves of romantic love for your chosen mate it is true that others of the species do not matter. When you’re not actually swimming in those waves then you “notice” others. The great thing about being an evolved human is that what you do when you “notice” others is under your control. It really is. What philosophy of life you do you choose? Here I make no value judgment save for categories 2 & 3.
1) “I’m only going to live once and I’m not sure this is the “perfect” situation for me and I better act and figure out the ethics later 2) “for religious reasons I’m going to be with this person even when it is unhealthy for me to do so” 3) “lets stay together for the kids and screw around” 4) “I’ll never find anyone who understands me the way this person does and my research has found that others just will not do the trick in the end”.
For those in category 4 it is obvious that it would be best to stay faithful to their mate. It just gets better and better once you’re “over the hump”. You can see tangible results everyday and commitment makes you able to enjoy life to the fullest. For those in the category 4 there are a few options to counteract the “noticing” when you are away from home & hearth. Without becoming Dr. Ruth I think I’ll leave them up to your imagination. This space is left for your imagination:

So, once again, the compliment receives another vicious backhanded spin. The reasons for me being able to stay faithful have been left to your imagination and I don’t necessarily trust you all completely. I trust my wife though.

Daily notes: The Houston show was special in that I got to briefly meet Barb Carr -- Kids in the Hall internet goddess. I had old friends there and I was excited to see them (Joe & Trish Hardy) so I didn’t really spend quality time with Barb. I know I’ll get other chances. I think the troupe was split on how the show went. What’s interesting for me now is how history and location change the meaning of some of the sketches. Seuss Bible, Buddy’s monolog, and Sales Guys all have material that relates to problems in the middle east and the war on terror. Each audience takes the references differently. In “Joymakers” Bruce & Dave hang up on someone who is speaking Spanish. In the north and in Canada the Spanish reference is a non-sequiter. Down here it takes on meaning. I’m not sure if its negative...or what that meaning is but people tend to gasp or laugh. The Kids would never change the show to suit the local crowd so it plays like real rock n’ roll when these sections come up. They are the punk band of comedy.