Over the falls in a

June 18, 2002

Over the falls in a barrel. I can see the attraction. When you stand at the edge of Niagara falls and pick a spot upstream and follow an imaginary fish fin as it makes its way unsuspectingly to the most spectacular thing that can ever happen to a fish. Everything starts to accelerate right near the end where the river pulls down hard over the edge. The light seems to reach the smooth rock underneath and turns the water glowing deep green. Then it all goes white and the sound becomes more important than the motion for just a second. Our fish is flying and the roar is all consuming. Probably one more second and then the wet white out and then the crushing vertigo. Then the motion has definitely taken over. I think the fish is having a chance to experience enlightenment if it can survive the thousands of pounds of falling water. At the point it launches into the abyss its mind would definitely be free of all reference to things it previously understood. I think it wouldn’t work for daredevils because they’d know what they were in for. Maybe it worked for the fabled seven year old boy who went over wearing only a lifejacket only to be fished out by the “Maid of the Mist” -- unscathed. Perhaps he’s the one to ask. By the looks of the tourist clutter all around such a natural wonder it seems that more people around there should accidentally fall into the mighty Niagara a few hundred feet upstream. Perhaps the surrounding area might then be transformed into the natural zen showcase it deserves to be. Armies of those who now understood its transformative spiritual potential would march on the “Ripley's Believe it Or Not Museum” and the Casino -- hopefully with all limbs intact. Gardens of the natural escarpment vegetation interwoven with finely raked gravel patterns would be horticulted (maybe by the nearby horticultural college brigade). Demolition of the hillside blinking lights and trinket pukers would commence. Dewy underbrush would waft its sweet smell instead of the carny broil of popcorn, burnt sugar, deep fryers and exhaust. Simple National Park rules might help for a start. You would only be allowed to approach the falls through the forrest so that your first impression would create the right effect. To be as mesmerized and hypnotized by the falls as it’s original discoverers would be the intention. No coloured spotlights at night. Just stand in the darkness beside it as the moon lights its lethal crest and the roar tells you what potential energy looms so close by. If you want to make the falls work for you right now you’ll have to meditate with some discipline. Its damn hard to completely block out the hot air balloon that says “I Heart NY” and the hideous restaurant towers and Hard Rock Cafes. Lets get rid of the disposable plastic ponchos too. They are close enough to monk attire to mock the situation much too exactly. Let all comers get soaked to the skin. If you see the Buddha on the road then throw him over the falls.