Fathers of Confederation. The bloated,

July 08, 2002

Fathers of Confederation. The bloated, boozy, rich, old white men with the big sideburns decided it all for us. Who better to guide the fate of the patchwork collection of immigrants, hostile post-imperial powers and first nations founders than the David Crosby lookalikes.
I am told that David Crosby is an extremely intelligent and caring individual. Elected to sire the famous Melissa Etheridge child by virtue of his stature as a solid individual . One of my kids said that he wouldn’t want to be rich because, “you can get everything you want and life is so simple and then life isn’t really what it is”. I must defend David Crosby against this notion. He went out of his way to experience a continued state of altered consciousness. I don’t think being rich had as much to do with it as the drugs did although his ability to behave so badly for so long was afforded by his monetary girth and attendant fame. He was out of touch but now, as a result, he’s more in touch than most. He worked so very hard at remaining stoned for so long that I will postulate he would now be a great political asset. Crosby is part of the “refurbished rich” -- not a “burn-out” but a “burn-in”. Refurbished like the gigahertz cordless phone you bought down at the flea market for half the price. All the weakest component parts have been replaced by stronger, newer elements and this makes the bargain all the sweeter. His body has surely suffered irreperable erosion in weathering the pounding hailstorms of cocaine. But as in the case study of Keith Richards it has proved stronger than physical reality. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger? No. What should have killed you twenty five times proves that the world is no match for you. Some see this addictive behaviour as weakness...but...what if you overcome your problems? It is common to think that an astronaut might be a good candidate for office. They have the best education the government can afford and have demonstrated bravery in their journey’s into unknown worlds. This shows leadership. I bet Roberta Bondar or Marc Garneau never went to some of the worlds David Crosby went to. I bet he’s been to hundreds more planets and risked life and limb in the process. The astronauts are fed well and are in top notch physical condition. Crosby probably did it all on junk food and a decidedly endomorphic frame. Who better to empathize with the varying perspectives of the disparate cultures in our Canadian “tapestry” than someone who has been several people all at the same time? Who better to understand the different views of a class society than someone who has been in the gutter and the high roller’s suite simultaneously. Who better to understand the legal system than someone who has tested its boundaries. I know he’s not Canadian but I am positive you can find someone like him in this country in about ten minutes. His proximity to Neil Young makes him quasi Canadian at least. Look to the past. Sir John A. MacDonald was a really heavy boozer. I guess we got off on one right foot.