Cell phone surrender. I just

August 21, 2002

Cell phone surrender. I just signed on to the devil’s walkie talkie. So convenient, so expensive, so intrusive. In an effort to actually lower my telephone bills I have taken on this microwave ball & chain. I guess I should have seen it coming when I wore the pager for a year. Pot leads to heroin so it naturally follows. Soon we will all walk around talking to ourselves. We will be so wired that eye contact will be unnecessary. I was in a line-up at Starbucks in LA awhile ago . . .does that paint a picture without me saying anything about the scenario? All Starbucks have the same decor and aroma. Its a little more euro earthy but its still a franchise. The staff rooms are probably identical to a Burger King or Wendy’s. You can imagine the sunshine streaming in on the teal and umber faux wood and brushed stainless steel merchandise wall. You can smell the over roasted beans and hear the same soul numbers cast off from “the Commitments” soundtrack. Everyone was chatting but it became evident that none of them were talking to each other. Single occupants of tables for two. All on cell phones to someone across town, next door or overseas. All the people in front of me in line were also on phones. The confusion at the order counter was fascinating. The person would pull their chin up away from the phone, cover the mouthpiece with the opposite hand and whisper “grande non-fat latte”. The barrista (that’s what they call them) would say, “pardon me”. The customer would be back on the call and say something to the other person on the line like, “no no no that’s not what I said”. The barrista would say, “I’m sorry, you don’t want a grande non-fat latte”? The customer would once again cover the mouthpiece and say, “yes yes I want it” and go back to his call. The barrista would say, “was it a non-fat latte?”. The customer would be back on the phone and would be overheard saying, “there are several ways to look at this”. The barrista would say, “its not that complex. What do you want?”. On and on in a Buck Rogers meets Abbott & Costello sketch. The process repeated itself a couple of times. When I got to the counter I smiled at her and said, “bloody cell phones”. She seemed baffled and said, “sorry?”.