Waiting. Its true. You never

September 01, 2002

Waiting. Its true. You never get back the time you spend waiting for things to happen. If you are constantly waiting for things then I guess its best that you find something really rewarding to do in all those holes. Meditation, reading, learning to juggle, I spy with my little eye or algebra. If someone is late and you are waiting for them then its tough not to be consumed by your own anger or worry. Are they going to make you blow some big opportunity by holding you up? Are they in some kind of trouble? Does the arrogance of their habitual tardiness overwhelm your sense of justice? The waiting time can be rendered even more useless when these notions clog up your head like hot custard. You read the same paragraph three times and take nothing in. You keep dropping the balls of gaffer’s tape you are juggling. Meditation or sleep is dominated by scenarios of the near future playing themselves out in one’s head - - a car accident or the delivery of a vitriolic speech that changes the latecomer forever. How can you then use the time wisely when you’re either worried or fuming? I’ve been told by habitual latecomers that this is my problem. If you have never in your daydreams attempted to add up all the time a habitual latecomer has stolen from you then you will not understand me. When you realize how quickly it adds up to a full month you get scared. They are relaxed and laissez faire. They refuse to be “stressed out” by any “uptight tripping”. I guess it is my problem. When I’m late I feel bad. I pray that the other person has had something valuable to do with their time. I’ve been guilty. I have also been guilty of being tardy returning calls and e-mails but I have always felt shame. A good friend in the Bay Area really got me thinking about how this all works. I see the importance of this etiquette. I once didn’t return some calls that got caught in the cracks between roadtrips and was almost written off as a callous flake by some really great people. Its hard to know when to fight for your space. There are a lot of people to make happy and sometimes it feels like you lose yourself in that concept. You fight back by letting things go slack and the resentment wave eventually reaches the front door of your little private thatched hut on the beach. Tide comes in. Now I’ve played each side of the waiting game. Fence sitter of the year award goes to . . .