The grown man looks back

September 16, 2002

The grown man looks back on the day and tries to estimate whether he used his powers for good or evil. Its a system of checks and balances making their way down a lined piece of foolscap tucked inside a soiled and dog-eared brown duo tang. In the embossed label box, you see them in the middle of the top of any duo tang cover, is the title, “bad Vs good”. It is in the writing of a 9 year old boy. Its the type of writing that indicates immediately that he has just made the leap from printing. I believe it was written with one of those “training pens” with the springy tip and long tapered stem. In the left hand column on the opening page is the phrase, “lied about starting the brush fire” . On the other side of the vertical line, directly to the right of this statement are the words, “saved our house from burning by spotting the brush fire coming”. In this way the boy begins to struggle with the concept of creative accounting. Can you cook books that only you will ever read? Can you earn karmic points by saving someone from a dark fate that you have set in motion? What the boy learns from his nightly ritual with the secret duo tang is that this day to day is all about the dialectic of good and evil. Yes it is important to know the difference but which ones are small and which ones are huge. On any given day there is a tension between the two that pushes and pulls you around the town. Most of these are tiny struggles. If you’ve ever looked at the parking meter and then looked around to see if you’ll get nailed for parking in the spot for just five minutes...you know what I mean. You are a criminal taking advantage of an unjust system. That’s how you see it. You may see your transgression as being justified in light of the money grubbing inflexibility of monopolistic roadway barons. They have made thousands from you and you deserve this break. When you come back to the ticket you feel the push back into your court. When you call in to fight the ticket you feel empowered by your righteousness -- volley back. When they resolutely and quietly point out that under the clearly written guidelines you are out of order...its back across the page to the other side. My dad said, “its OK to speed if there is nobody around, you know the road, and you know what you are doing”. This justified him winding out that sucker to entertain both himself and the family. He was an expert competition driver so it was clear to us that this was sound thinking. You can see where this tennis game is headed. Today this type of thinking might easily lump you into the same category as those assholes in lurching black BMWs who are above signaling a lane change. Their car is their ticket to this elite club. These are small evils that seem internally justifiable as logical exceptions to the rule book. I do not wish to dwell on car & driver examples. This would put me in the category of people who waste inordinate amounts of time on radio call in shows yammering about the injustice of photo radar, speed limits, emissions controls, highway tolls and auto insurance costs. Just as I need to keep filling my car with gas I hope fossil fueled cars will be extinct in my lifetime. We will be as horrified by them as whale oil lamps and real ivory piano keys. The tough good vs evil dialectic is in this area. Jobs vs long range survival. Cost effective and efficient ways vs the right ways. Its not easy. The boy will need another duo tang. These are struggles that seem too big for the boy’s personal ledger. Perhaps the microcosmic reality is pure enough to translate to the bigger realm. If he wrestles himself from the arrogance that his single transgression is OK “just this one time” then he will have made a difference. he can never guarantee that this is true but at least it is all well documented.