Well...how was it? Ours was

December 26, 2002

Well...how was it? Ours was excellent. All Christmas scenarios played out really well. We milked the day for all it was worth and our excesses were familiar and comfortable. For west coasters we had the privilege of enjoying a snowy Christmas day by driving to our family’s mountain hideout. Mountain hideouts are a really good idea. Hideaways of any description are becoming more and more necessary. Its nice to feel warm with your back to the wall of the cave and your belly full of berries. No telephone number anyone knows. Ever the pragmatists my family bequeathed me a new black snowboard helmet. My tendency to stretch my moves beyond the limits of my skills or my physical limitations is legendary in these tight circles. Although this has led to an accident prone childhood and some time off work I hold to the idea that this is a positive attribute. I think it indicates a tendency to live in my own version of the present. This is a present where I see myself as stronger than I actually am. This applies mostly to the world of physical activity but can work its way into artistic realms. I will take on a new job or task I know nothing about and think I can figure out a way to get through it. Then I will suffer spectacular failure or solar flares of success. I have learned that my version of failure differs from the perception of the audience. Where I think I have done shit work others have had high praise. Where I thought I shone others merely sighed or yawned. All the music I love tends to sell in the hundreds or thousands. In my mind they are massive hits. Every time I have heard something on the radio and said, “that is the worst piece of crap I’ve ever heard” -- immediately it is a real life smash hit. I’ve tried to find the sweet spot between these realities. I love the hits that made it through the eye of the needle without anyone detecting their unique and subversive elements. I find if I work against my instincts I achieve perfect blandness. I guess if your heart isn’t in it you’re sunk. Problem is my heart IS in it. I want to be understood. I don’t want to be some snotty niche player passing judgment from a dark corner. I still think the radio will be amazing after the revolution. I think people keep giving me chances because I’m, “almost there all the time”. I’ll find it. I’ll find the way to make the “sell out” feel like the “buy in”. Today is a good day. Air is crisp and the snow is soft and my version of the present feels like it fits with the people around me.