Have you heard about this

January 22, 2004

Have you heard about this show American Idol? They turn on a karaoke machine and play Phil Collins and Michael Bolton songs and little le Chateau shoppers pretend to be “in the moment”. Its sort of like Anson Williams as Potsie Webber singing “Hound Dog” on “Happy Days” only more late 90’s. One of the judges is Randy Jackson. He just lost 100 pounds. Apparently they are using his fat in milkshakes in an upcoming “Fear Factor” episode. If you can drink the whole thing you get to be on “American Idol”. I think that’s how it works. There are already 12,125 applicants lined up beside the mall wearing numbers on their foreheads and “Subway” T-shirts. The commercials on American Idol feature Jared and his Subway diet success. This inspirational story is being milked for a third TV season while the Nike weight loss campaign attempts to go head to head. Nike will feature children on its Malaysian assembly line sweating off the pounds by cranking up the pace on a run of “Kobe Bryant court case” model shoes. The children will eat only the crumbs left in Jerod’s sandwich wrappers. They will smile. Kobe will be a guest judge on American Idol in episode IV and the new “Court Case Advance” model will be worn by all contestants. As a further cross promotion the children from the Nike factory will be flown in to appear in episode VII as the backing choir in a rousing pre-recorded version of “Wind Beneath My Wings” featuring each Idol contestant singing three words each. The children will shed tears of joy onto their velvet Baptist gospel choir robes during the last chorus.

* Colin Nairne was the inspiration behind the fat milkshake with a nod to West Van's own Doug Coupland.