Well! I can’t believe I’m

January 23, 2004

Well! I can’t believe I’m taking heat for my American Idol posting. Wait til you hear what I think of that bad man Saddam Hussein. I hope they catch him one day. That would make for great TV as well! I think they should humiliate him just like they do with the auditions on American Idol. They should get that Simon guy to tell him that he looks weird and that moustaches are out of style. That will teach him. CNN Idol.
I can hardly wait for them to do a Canadian version of the show called “Canadian Idol”. I think they should get an ex-Prime Minister’s son to be the host and then do everything the same but a little bit worse. Like Prime Ministers do. Make sure the PM was a Tory or it won’t make any sense. It will be just like all our other franchise industries that aren’t quite American but try to be. We will take great pride in pointing out which aspect of our Idols make them uniquely Canadian in order to make up for the fact that, despite our constant efforts, we haven’t quite figured out how to imitate Americans perfectly yet. In the end all I can pray for is a chance to write the hit song for the final karaoke champion. After the stylists and record company geniuses are finished working their magic I will lay out the words that tie the whole thing together. Saddam Hussein will sing my beautiful words:

Shining Hands

you and I are holding on
our hands are tied so tight
baby I’ve been buying time
its adds up to tonight

so take another look at me
see what I have to give
hold your hands up to the sky’
and let your spirit live

because

we are living
holding up our hands
we are giving
see what our hands can share
its a new day of giving hands
and sharing what we are
lift yourself up baby
and touch a shining star

with your hands
hold on and touch my hands
hold on to hands
hands to hold onto
shining in the night
my shining touching hands of love

... I am crying. I have to go.